Category: Grief

Accepting the Reality of Eternal Existence

For some there is no doubt. At least verbally. We will go on beyond our death. These people tend to error on the side of thinking everybody has something good waiting for them. For others, there is a great deal of doubt. We usually don’t get a preview. People who have a Near Death Experience are almost all in on eternal life. The rest of us just see the impact of death on our flesh, and it is sobering.

Certainty that we die and then disappear, is equally hard to maintain. Many are very bold about it until death looms near. Then they are not quite as enthusiastic about the prospect and begin to hope for more.

Certainty is not the same thing as faith. Faith is several things. It is first a Holy Spirit bypass of whatever keeps us from being receptive to God because of our sinful condition. Then it is a God-produced connection between us and Christ. Then that connection produces a growing trust in all of God’s promises, His capabilities, and His character. It also generates certainty in the reality of eternal life and what will happen to you in your eternal existence.

The power of God’s Word is a driving force in having certainty in eternal life.

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. 2 In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?

John 14:1-2 (ESV)

Who has reliable information on this topic? Even Near Death Experiences could be an illusion of a dying brain or a delusion created by Satan. Jesus raised people from the dead, was raised from the dead himself, and demonstrated that He was God through clear and observable miracles. Furthermore, His character was on display for all around him. For us, it is the power of the Word with the in-person accounts that give us the ability to “believe” in both Father and Son in this regard.

God could have created us to live and to die and be gone. He has nothing to gain by lying to us about this fact of our nature. Jesus says in the above passage that He would have told us if eternal life in Heaven was not on the table. It is on the table. That is why Jesus became one of us in the first place.

Our certainty comes with understanding the Gospel and God developing in us a deeper faith through the Word. First, it is our nature to be eternal because we are more than a body. We are a body and soul. I think that you can experience this much. Minimizing our will, memory, all conscious thought to chemical reactions in the brain, does not make sense. If our thoughts were just the product of brain chemistry and electrical activity then we would have no will. We clearly have a will. We are not “meat robots”. That is wrong.

It does take revelation from outside of ourselves to know about things that are beyond our sensory capabilities, beyond death, and probably beyond our space-time. Does the account of Jesus and the revelation that comes with Jesus have any credibility? Seek out the arguments. They are hard to dismiss unless you have a bias and want to dismiss them. God tells us what comes next. This whole blog covers it. There is eternal life (eternal existence with God) and eternal death (not non-existence but exile from God as in Hell). Eternal life is God’s gift predicated on what Jesus has already accomplished . God has proven to be trustworthy.

The only qualification to the certainty that we can have is that people can fall away. I must respect the theoretical possibility that I will abandon God’s gift. God gives plenty resources enough to never fall away, but people still manage it. I don’t doubt because I know that God is enough. When actually facing my final hour, there is no need to look at myself and ask if I have done enough. Jesus is enough. I don’t do anything. Therefore I am certain.

Honoring the Elders

When I am bored sometimes, I scroll through Instagram to find an interesting video. One caught my eye yesterday. It showed a man bringing out a mummified human from a grass hut in central New Guinea. Having a mummified descendent in their home was a way for this tribe to “honor their elders.”

I clearly come from a different culture. I wasn’t that thrilled about having my parents over for a long time when they were alive. 

Honoring elders is a large part of many cultures. It is understandable why that would be. Death often creates a great sense of loss. Incorporating communication and other ritual that involves the deceased keeps them emotionally close. If you depended on the knowledge of an older generation, you might seek to have a knowledge stream continue after death. Finally, if your sense of having a relationship with God is very vague, continuing a relationship with dead ancestors might be a substitute.

Certain cultures may have stumbled or were presented with ways to communicate with the dead. Seances and Ouija are more contemporary methods of communication with the dead. The Bible also records efforts of the Canaanites to do this and there is the story of the Witch of Endor (1 Samuel 28).

Whether out of grief, need, or a sense of responsibility, honoring your deceased elders needs to have definite limits. Great danger lies in crossing the line. God warned the Israelites not to copy the practices of the people of Canaan.

9 “When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. 10 There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer 11 or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, 12 for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you.

Deuteronomy 18:9-12 (ESV)

Many people today would scoff at the suggestion that these things are even possible. But think about the following:

  1. The dead are not non-existent. Even the damned are somewhere.
  2. Creating communication with any of the dead before Jesus, or those who are still in Sheol today, is a matter of bridging the separation between Sheol and Earth.
  3. While there are no natural ways of doing this, it appears that a form of “spiritual gift” can do this.
  4. Since God forbids it, this spiritual gift comes from the power of Satan. (Pharoah’s “magicians” were able to copy Moses’ sign of turning a staff into a snake and also the plague of frogs)

Many so-called mediums are just clever con-artists. That doesn’t negate the possibility that darker means are not legitimate. But one has to consider whether attempting to exercise such a power “honors” or “dishonors” our elders. 

Disobeying God is never honorable. Why would God forbid a connection that would ease our grief? We are not privy to this answer, but several theories come to mind. First, are we treating elders like God? God will act on our behalf, dead elders can’t. God hears our prayers, dead elders can’t. Death is a consequence of sin. It is a temporary or permanent separation we must accept. God is the source of information about life after death. Information sought from dead elders may be misinformation from the evil one. 

Playing around with or seriously using purported means of communicating with the dead also seems to expose people to more serious control of the demonic.

The most famous case in the U.S. was the source of the book and movie, The Exorcist. The event happening in 1949 in Maryland and was documented by the Washington Post. A boy and his spiritist aunt played around with a Ouija board to attempt communication with the dead. When the aunt died, the grieving boy attempted the use of the same method. What happened instead was a terrifying case of supernatural events and possession that finally ended in a hospital in St. Louis. The location of their home in Cottage City, MD continued to be surrounded by horrifying phenomena. A woman was found decaying in a plastic bag nearby. A man went crazy and decapitated his mother a few doors away. Also nearby, children were arrested for hacking off the limbs of their parents. The forces of Satan are not our friends.

There is one other reason to temper communication attempts with our dead. We may not wish to hear it. Heaven is awesome. When we die in Christ, we are swept away in joy and love and probably think very little about the life we have left. Nor do we have to. God is on the job to help those still on Earth.

What would be appropriate honoring of the dead? Speak well of them. Imagine them in their new glorious state. Flowers and visiting the grave is good. Talking to them might be therapeutic for you. Don’t imagine that they are birds at your feeder (I don’t know where that idea comes from). More importantly, honor your elders while they are here with you. Make sure they know and believe that eternal life comes from Jesus’ life and death. Then honor God with your life. Over-dependency on people both in life and especially in death is a bad thing. 

Communicating With the Dead

Jesus was unequivocal, the people who have physically died still exist. They are just not here:

32 ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not God of the dead, but of the living.”

Matthew 22:32 (ESV)

When you lose somebody, especially if it was unexpected, there can be a powerful desire to communicate with them again. We can have questions about their wellbeing, how to survive without them, and possibly how and why they died.

There are also less pure motivations for communicating with the dead. People may think the dead have some sort of profitable knowledge or can provide some sort of assistance to the living. For some it is just the attraction of dark arts or having some form of mastery over death.

Of course, communicating with the dead is impossible. Right? I wouldn’t be so sure. The Old Testament has strong statements against such a practice. Communicating with the dead is one of the reasons that the Canaanites were dispossessed from Palestine in favor of the Jews. Deuteronomy lists their sins and warns the Jews not to follow their example.

“When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. 10 There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer 11 or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, 12 for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you. 13 You shall be blameless before the Lord your God,

Deuteronomy 18:9-13 (ESV)

Abomination is a pretty strong word. Why? The first set of motives listed above are not impure. Part of it is no doubt how this is possible in the first place. This is not using the power of God, nor utilizing something inherent in nature; this is using the power of Satan and his kingdom. As such it is dangerous. It can also be the source of twisted truth. It may also leave a person open to other manifestations of evil, like possession. It would seem that such practices were common in the ancient world and possibly the source of some modestly twisted information about life after death.

Keep in mind that at this time, everybody went to Sheol (for more information) https://afterdeathsite.com/2021/05/11/an-expectation-of-sheol/. This may matter. The righteous were segregated from the unrighteous. The one biblical story about communicating with the dead was communication with the righteous as King Saul summoned the prophet Samuel using the “Witch of Endor” in 1 Samuel 28.

13 The king said to her, “Do not be afraid. What do you see?” And the woman said to Saul, “I see a god coming up out of the earth.” 14 He said to her, “What is his appearance?” And she said, “An old man is coming up, and he is wrapped in a robe.” And Saul knew that it was Samuel, and he bowed with his face to the ground and paid homage.

15 Then Samuel said to Saul, “Why have you disturbed me by bringing me up?” Saul answered, “I am in great distress, for the Philistines are warring against me, and God has turned away from me and answers me no more, either by prophets or by dreams. Therefore I have summoned you to tell me what I shall do.” 16 And Samuel said, “Why then do you ask me, since the Lord has turned from you and become your enemy?

1 Samuel 28:13-16 (ESV)

Samuel was not pleased, and the desperate attempt of Saul did not help him.

Some would dismiss this as simply a mythical story and consulting the dead as a form of fraud. Certainly, charlatans exist in this area who are willing to take advantage of peoples’ grief. Another theory is that demons masquerade as the dead. This is not how it is presented in 1 Samuel however.

What about modern-day mediums? Are they just frauds? I expect that most, if not all, are frauds. It may also be possible that a person can have an equivalent to a “spiritual gift” (1 Corinthians 12), but one that is not from God. Using such a service remains forbidden by God.

How should we handle devastating grief? https://wordpress.com/post/afterdeathsite.com/734

First, we need to trust the promises of God about forgiveness through Jesus and eternal life. https://wordpress.com/post/afterdeathsite.com/884 If we are not confident about our loved one being saved, then it is not forbidden to continue to pray for them. In the case of suicide, we need to understand how God’s grace actually works. We do not need to confess our sins as the last thing we do. https://wordpress.com/post/afterdeathsite.com/778

Trusting the matters of life after death to God is the right thing to do and leads to healing. Losing purpose from the loss of relationship is something we can actively pursue. We fill the void in our lives by helping others.

The Value of Now

As I write about what the Bible has to say about what can happen after our deaths, I often struggle to find a word or words that refer to our current state of existence. If I use the word “life”, I collide with how the Bible uses the word “life” to refer to our eternal existence with God. Paul even says that our existence with God after our deaths is “life that is truly life”. It implies that our current existence doesn’t really deserve the title of “life”.

There are many negatives that are true about existence as we know it. We all possess a sinful nature. This is probably a corruption of our God-given genetic code that makes understanding God without help impossible. It also leaves us with behaviors and desires that are contrary to what is truly good. Put sinful people on a planet together and you get family dysfunction, crime, war and many forms of misery.

This “life” also is diminished by “the curse”. I’m not sure if it is a punishment from God or just what happens when the original couple of humans reject God. The result is a separation from God that clouds our relationship with Him, an uncooperative environment, natural disasters, illness and many other forms of danger and frustration.

One last scourge is that this world is “given” to Satan. Satan himself claims this as he tempts Jesus in the wilderness. Beyond this Satan and his cronies are cast out of Heaven (Revelation 12:7-9), and where does he land? Here. Can’t be anywhere else away from us? This gives the extra kicker to human misery.

With this toxic stew, it should not be surprising if life has its challenges. Do not assume that this life will be fair, safe or happy. If we manage periods of any of these then we are truly blessed. They are not promised.

That said, we are not kept here for the sake of misery. Life has its purpose. First and foremost, it is during our brief stay here that Christ will connect with us and give us something better. Still, we are not translated into Heaven the moment we become Christians.

We have work to do. Our God-given purpose will be unique to this period of our existence. In Heaven and the New Earth, we will have purpose, and we will enjoy that purpose thoroughly. But our current purpose has a unique quality that makes now valuable.

Here, when we worship God in spirit and truth, we do so in an environment with none of the advantages of being with God in Heaven, and God knows it. He values worship like that. When we maintain a personal, respectful, trusting relationship with God despite the curse, it is a big deal.

This world is filled with the wounded who need help. There won’t be any in Heaven and the New Earth. This planet is out of sync and all living things suffer in some way because of it. When we are good stewards of the Earth, we bring healing.

Here is where you will be in contact with the spiritual lost. Your words and example can help to lead people to Christ. No one will need that in Heaven.

This world is a mess and it can be painful to live in it, but because it is a mess there is extra value to our service here. If, foolishly, you live here as if this is all there is and you neglect your God-given purpose to simply live to entertain yourself, then you are blowing it. Your pleasures will be limited. Your deeds will not follow you.

Because of the uniquely needy nature of this world and the creatures in it, I am asking for a long and productive life. I am willing to stay here as long as God wants me here, and no longer. I cherish what good times and good relationships I have here, because they help me through. I know that there will be much better to come. But I make the most positive difference now.

Approaching Uselessness

We all need some sense of purpose. While we are still a part of this life, we will find purpose in many things: being a parent, having a job, even just entertaining ourselves. As we approach death and sometimes even before, a person can lose their sense of purpose. Things like a job loss, the death of a loved one or a steep decline in our own health will do that.

If one is facing death with no hope in Christ to have life after death with God, then you have a double downer. Death offers nothing but a false sense of relief and life offers nothing because it is a struggle to feel useful and there is no pleasure in living.

I have met people in this position. It’s the worst. I propose that you never have to be there. What God promises us by a connection to Jesus is real. It is not wishful thinking to make us feel better as we face our mortality. The evidence includes prophecies about Jesus, the miracles of Jesus, the resurrection of Jesus, eyewitnesses who willing faced death, critics who came to faith, the persistent survival of the Gospel message despite various forms of persecution, people who have had Near Death Experiences, and our own ability to see God at work in us.

When we have a connection to Jesus (just trust the promise of forgiveness and be baptized) then faith can grow to absolute certainty about what comes next. We can approach our own death with expectant joy. It like anticipating the best day ever.

We can also deal with our own physical decline in a new way. A critical Bible passage about living is Ephesians 2:10:

10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)

Two assurances pop out of this passage. First, that we are an ongoing project of God. God is shaping us through learning, positive experiences, and even negative experiences. This shaping continues right up to the end of this life. Why? Because there is more to come. Our negative, end-of-life experiences are not useless experiences. Second, that God has a wide array of purposes for us that also continue to the end of this life.

We may lose certain forms of usefulness along the way: we retire, our kids grow up, we have a stroke and can’t speak, etc. Purpose doesn’t end, it just shifts. Even if all we can do is pray, we have a powerfully influential tool in our hands. Use it.

What if our brain gets so demented that we can’t pray? I’m not sure this happens, but if so, our presence may fulfill God’s purpose in some way. When we are finally done, then we are out of here. We don’t need to unnaturally extend our stay here.

Is eternal life like a perpetual vacation? There are clues to ongoing, productive purpose in eternity as well. I expect there is a great deal of leisure and partying, however. Never boredom. Never uselessness. I can’t say the same for the damned.

If you are struggling with the purpose of your life or if you know somebody like this, share this article. I know that it is hard to see past your immediate loss or situation. There is hope–most excellent hope. There is also a new way to look at life and it isn’t a game.

Grief and Christmas

As a pastor I can tell you that deaths do not happen evenly over the course of a year. Death seems to be concentrated into the colder months. At my congregation we would typically have 8 to 12 funerals a year. This year, since mid-October we have already had 9 deaths with no doubt more to come before Spring. Covid only partially explains the rise.

This reality means that many deaths happen around the holidays, leaving grief perpetually connected with a day that is supposed to be happy. The same type of association can happen with hymns. We often play a person’s favorite hymn at their funeral, which often ruins it for us. “How Great Thou Art” is a hymn that many people can’t listen to for that reason.

Having a painful association points to having an incomplete and ineffective grieving process. Remembering shouldn’t hurt after a while. If we are still hurting, then we are dwelling on what we have lost versus focusing on the promise of eternal life and a future reunion. This, of course, hinges on having eternal life through Jesus.

The Christmas season will be the source of many cherished family memories. It should be. But the Christmas season is misspent if it is focused primarily on family and not focused on Christ. Celebrating the birth of Christ is celebrating God coming into the world to give a most precious gift.

The Son of God became a human to place himself under the jurisdiction of God’s Law. He came as the child of a virgin so that he would not be born with a sinful nature like the rest of us. Instead, he could remain sinless for life. He then could do something for us that is an incredible act of sacrificial love. When dying on the cross, Jesus was forsaken by his Father as a substitute for his Father forsaking us. To be forsaken, utterly abandoned by God, is the punishment required for sin. If you are connected to Jesus through baptism, your eternal punishment is done.

If your loved one died as a believer in Jesus as their Savior, they are alive with Jesus. Do not look back, look forward. If you also are in Christ, then there are more good times, even better than the best ahead. Let the celebration of the birth of a Savior take you there, at least for awhile. Be sure to also make the most of those who are still alive and with you.

I would say the same for “How Great Thou Art”, or any hymn for that matter. It sure not remind you of loss but rather of gain. Train your brain to do this. Catch yourself when you think about the loss, remind yourself of God’s promise and then imagine what you still cannot see. Do not wallow in loss. It is not forgetting your loved one, it is remembering them properly.

Should I Let Them Go?

One of the toughest decisions we may have to make is to stop medical interventions and to let a loved one die.  We are eventually going to die no what we do.  We know that.  But somehow it seems right to pull out all the stops, no matter the cost in money and suffering, and to try to extend life–even if it is not right.  The medical profession is geared to do the same thing.   Even living wills often cannot stop efforts of relatives to keep life going.

It really doesn’t have to be that agonizing.  I put the biggest part of the blame on the person who is dying.  All of us should have detailed living wills, or at least candid discussions about death, even when we are in perfect health.  One never knows when things can turn for the worst.  Just look at those taken unprepared by the corona virus.  When I say detailed, I mean have the will cover some common medical scenarios.  For instance, if I have dementia, chronic pain, severe neurological disorders like Parkinson’s disease, “irreversible coma”, and the like; what do you want people to do if you are going to die with intervention?  Name it. By intervention, I mean administer such things as intubation, restart a stopped heart, have major surgery,  insert a feeding tube or even give antibiotics for sepsis.  No one has to do such things.

More important than your desire or willingness to go through painful procedures that may not give you quality of life, is your understanding of what comes next.  Your loved ones should know clearly your understanding.  Of course, your understanding doesn’t make it so.  But if you are closing in on death with no certainty, then you need to talk to people about what is known or believed and face the issue of death.  Too many people have coped with death by ignoring it all their lives.  That is very scary(and really foolish) at the end.  I have tried to minister to plenty of people, often relatives of our congregation members, who have found themselves in that predicament.

This entire blog has been dedicated toward explaining the Biblical revelation about life after death and how it correlates with other experiences like Near Death Experiences.What Should We Think of Near Death Experiences?  If someone is connected to Christ through faith and baptism, then they are ready.  Death alone doesn’t transport us to a “better place”.  Culturally, we just tell ourselves that to comfort us in our loss.  Jesus himself says that a majority don’t go to a better place, and he is the one who gives insight into eternity with proof.  He also is the only way to that “better place”.

Let me assume that you are ready.  You may not have a seamless faith in Jesus, that’s okay.  You are saved by a connection formed by God to Jesus and his death and resurrection.  You are not saved by believing hard enough.  You may have fear.  Few don’t.  Most people are afraid of the unknown.  If you or your loved one is ready, then why go through the physical suffering that medical science now affords us?  Say your good-byes.  Say what you have to say. If forgiving or asking for forgiveness is appropriate, definitely do that.  Medicine can make you comfortable through the death process.  Know that eternal life in Christ is not only better, it is much better.

Should you continue to extend the life of someone who is clearly not connected to Christ?  If you are a believer but your loved one is not, this is the time to pull out all the stops.  I would do it even if they were unconscious.  Tell them how you love them.  Tell them why you are explaining the Gospel.Why Everyone Needs Jesus Don’t accept denial at this point.  If they ask for baptism, baptize them.  Pray like crazy, because only God can create a saving faith, if anyone can.  Then, if it is their wish, let them go.  You will not know the result until you arrive in Heaven yourself.  Some pretty important stuff can happen at the final hour.

Earlier I said I primarily blame the dying person for not getting their loved ones ready for death.  If we are the “loved ones”, we bear some responsibility as well.  We should love each other, enjoy each other, talk frankly with each other about heavy subjects like death and life after death.  But do not create a relationship so dependent on anyone that we cannot conceive of life without them.  We put that level of dependence on God alone. Not everyone gets to die first.  Grieving cannot and should not be completely avoided.  Life and death decisions should be determined by the needs of the dying person, not their grieving family.  The family needs to be strong and prepared.  Again, denial about the reality of death is a lousy coping mechanism.

Covid-19 forced many people to die alone.  This is very sad.  Actually, I have found that some people prefer to be alone.  They will let the people holding vigil at their bedside leave, and then they will sneak out.  Most would like the comfort of someone nearby, even if it isn’t a relative.  Again preparedness is important.  I would love to die surrounded by my living family and friends, but I know that I am never alone if I belong to Christ.  If you have the same faith, make sure your family knows it.

I am not afraid to die, even alone.  In fact, I look forward to that day.  I am here to do the work of God, enjoy the unique aspects of this life, enjoy my family and friends, and then to meet you on the other side.

O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory though our Lord Jesus Christ.    1 Corinthians 15:55-57

 

 

Living With Hope Amid Hopelessness

Most people can avoid facing their mortality for quite awhile.  Sadly, this robs them of really feeling the need for Jesus; and consequently robs them of the joys of living with a God-given purpose among other things.  Still, avoidance is the coping mechanism of choice.  You learn it from your parents and it sort of works.

Death, in whatever form it presents to you, eventually penetrates the denial coping mechanism.  Whether war, or pandemic, or just getting old, the fact that our physical life will and must come to end corners you.  Now what?  Even worse, sometimes the luster so comes off of living that we despair of life and just want to die, not really sure of what comes next. Covid-19 can hit you either way.  You see loved ones dying and it is all out desperation to not allow it.  Even if the person has dementia and terrible health otherwise, we can’t let them go if we are not prepared.  On the flip side, social isolation might become the new normal.  The joys we once depended on might become too dangerous.  Depression slips in.

I have tried in this blog to paint a picture of what the Bible shares about life after death.  Some of it is frightening.  You want to avoid Sheol and Hell at all costs.  Some is absolutely beautiful.  Heaven and the New Earth will be the phases of our existence where we begin to truly live.  Rather than deny the reality of death, live knowing that our current existence can be made meaningful and even joyful by what comes next.

But is it real?  Think of all the worldviews and what they say about death and life after death.  Think about their explanation of the world, humanity, our history, our consciousness and the spiritual world.  What proof can they offer for their view?  What holes exist?  Do they sink the ship?

The Christian worldview has history (especially surrounding Jesus), archaeology, prophecy, the complexity and order of life, a coherent view of consciousness,  eyewitnesses of miraculous events (with reasonable credibility), including resurrections from the dead.  It also has corroborating evidence from Near Death Experiences.  Ultimately, it has the ongoing witness of the Holy Spirit to those who do not close their minds.

Every other worldview seems fatally flawed and unlikely if not impossible to me. I can understand why the adherents of other worldviews hold to those views; but culture, willful ignorance, wanting what you want regardless of proof, and resistance to the idea of God are pretty foolish reasons not to examine everything with an open mind when there is so much at stake for you personally.

Christianity is more than wishful thinking that can help you through tough times.  It is an explanation of this life that works.  I’m not saying that there are not unanswered questions, but they are not huge.  When you understand what the Bible is communicating you have hope.  Not “I hope so”, but a certainty of things you can’t see yet; and a certainty that you have been shown the way to life that endures in happiness forever.

Can You Tell a Person’s Destiny?

Knowing what happened to somebody who died, or knowing what will likely happen to somebody when they die are two pieces of information we can greatly desire.  Sometimes you want to know because you care.  Sometimes you want to know because you want to minister to them appropriately.  Sometimes that knowledge would help you to grieve.

But can you know?  Jesus urges us not to judge in Matthew 7:1.  This command is especially relevant here, because there are many factors that could lead to the wrong conclusion.  Here are a few:

One cannot determine a person’s eternal destiny based on how they died.  It is common to view a peaceful death that is well anticipated as a superior sign over a violent, unexpected death.  But the cause of death says nothing about a person’s eternal destiny.  Jesus confronted this popular misperception when a tower that was under construction collapsed.  People concluded that the workers who died must have been worse “sinners” than others.  Jesus put us all in the same boat.

Nor can we conclude anything based on experiences as one dies.  Some have visions of Heaven.  Some express nothing at all.  My own mother had the experience of “falling” as she was dying.  Sheol isn’t actually down and Heaven is actually up.  So experiences of going up or down are just caused by the failing of the brain.  In my next blog entry, I plan to start to address Near Death Experiences.  While both experiences of Sheol and experiences of Heaven occur, also in the mix are intentional deceptions by Satan.

One cannot make an absolute judgment based on behavior.  When we are connected to Jesus and saved from our sins the Holy Spirit does change us for the good.  This change of qualities and increase in love should be observable.  But even saved people continue to struggle with sinful nature.  As such, the progress of our sanctification (being made into somebody good in our actions) can be slowed with periods of digression along the way.  Don’t get sucked into the “good enough” evaluation.  We are not saved by our deeds.  We are saved by Christ’s deeds.  While good works are valuable, they are neither the source of salvation nor a trustworthy way to evaluate whether somebody is saved.

One cannot make an absolute judgment based on whether a person’s faith is unwavering.  Ephesians 2:8 says we are saved by grace through faith.  This sentence uses the word “faith” to describe a connection that God makes between us and Jesus.  That type of “faith” can produce the “faith” that is certainty in what is unseen but promised by God.

Many solid disciples of Jesus can have frightening doubts as they approach death.  It is common.  You are not saved by your certainty.  You are saved by Jesus.  So do not get sucked into the “faith enough” evaluation either.  Comfort a dying person who is afraid.  Don’t beat them into believing better as if that were possible to do.

In the end, judgment is God’s business alone. Our ministry to the dying should be one of sharing and reaffirming God’s promises of grace.  Our “self-evaluation” can be this simple three-question quiz: 1.  Did Jesus really die and rise again?  Yes or no. 2.  Did God promise eternal life to all who call on Jesus?  Yes or no. 3  Is God a liar?   If you can answer yes, yes, no, it is because God chose you and gave you those answers.

Any other circumstantial evidence should kept at arm’s length.  It probably doesn’t mean anything.

Grieving with Hope

On Sunday night I watched a “60 Minutes” piece on a couple who had lost their daughter in one of the senseless mass shootings that has plagued our world.  Years later they still feel the pain, but they have channeled their grief into an effort to assist other families of mass shootings.  I admired their dedication and compassion.  There task is a difficult one.  No one is unphased when loss, especially unforeseen, untimely death enters our lives; but many people are less prepared than others.

As a pastor I have been privileged to be with many people at the lowest and highest parts of their lives.  I have often asked myself, “How would I handle this?” What understanding of life can prepare you and how should we think about such a tragedy?   I think it is a good thing to ask such questions before having to face your own tragedy.

Let’s start by talking about loss that is a shock and trauma–like a mass shooting.  This kind of grief often is accompanied with ongoing uncontrolled symptoms that we now call PTSD (Post-Traumatic Shock Disorder).  PTSD is a maladaptive attempt by your brain to protect you.  It doesn’t of course.  I gives you an additional problem.  But the neural pathway that develops is supposed to prepare you for a similar tragedy, which most likely won’t happen.  Can we be inoculated at all against PTSD?  I think so.

We need to have a very grounded and complete understanding of how the world is.  There is profound evil in our world. We should not be kept naïve about evil, how bad it can be, and what is possible.  On the flip side, we don’t want or need to live fearfully or be indifferent to pain.  In short, we need a theology about evil and death.  Kids need a theology about evil and death.  If we understand evil and death, they should not surprise us. The shock of the reality of evil in this world causes the involuntary reactions like PTSD.

Death is to be understood as a part of everybody’s life eventually.  The Bible attributes most evil to a corruption that is part of every human being.  It’s called sinful nature.  Ultimately, evil can be traced back to a source, Satan.  It is real and sometimes very ugly.

We also need hope.  In this context, I don’t mean wishfulness.  I mean confidence that God is greater than Satan and good is more powerful than evil.  Hope stands on a promise of eternal life through Jesus, and God is faithful.  When you have this hope, you can know that the evil and ugliness of this world is temporary; and you can have confidence that those who lose their lives but have Jesus are moving on to Heaven.  This kind of hope is key to getting past any type of mourning.

The final part is renewed purpose.  Death changes our lives.  We lose a part of us when we lose a role, whether that was as a parent, child, friend, co-worker or whatever.  Jesus said,

But everyone who hears these words of mine but does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.  The rain came down, and the streams rose, and the wind blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a mighty crash.  (Matthew 7:26-27)

As much as we love people, our lives cannot depend on our relationship with them for purpose, happiness and meaning.  That is the “sand” in the passage above.  Those things must be founded on our relationship with God.  We will lose relationships, sometimes to death, but we will continue to have a God-given purpose that transcends those relationships.

We recently had some suicide deaths among the survivors of mass shootings in our country.  Survivor’s guilt and an unrelenting sense of loss can drive a person to try to escape the pain by any means.  We should grieve.  Love will eventually necessitate grief.  But if we understand our world, still have hope and have a purpose that is resting on the Word of God; we can grieve, honor the dead and rediscover how to be happy.