This blog concerns itself mostly with what happens after death. I say “mostly” because what happens after death does have major implications on what should happen before death. There are a number of things we should talk about with people who matter to us. In that list I would include that we should be reconciled with those from whom we are estranged, communicate our love to people, and communicate the Gospel to them in the most honest and vulnerable way possible.
Sometimes people just feel they need to communicate about financial matters and personal wishes. This belies a very sterile view of our priorities and pretty much screams, “when we’re dead, we are gone.” These things do matter, but that is what a will and perhaps one printed page would take of. The other things are far more important and perhaps scary, so we are inclined to procrastinate. You might even be afraid of blowback or failure. I get it, but you will regret not being brave. Perhaps speaking about such deep, emotional, and serious matters is something you have avoided all your life.
Let’s start with reconciliation. If you are estranged, a victory isn’t necessarily suddenly becoming close. A victory is mutual understanding, forgiveness, and peace in your relationship. Obviously there are lots of relationships and situations that can end in estrangement. I can only speak in general terms here.
If reconciliation matters to you, then you initiate the contact. Face-to-face is best for this, but not always possible. You might get a stiff arm from the person at first. They might be coping with the situation by avoidance and perhaps denial of their own culpability. Be persistent. It might seem annoying to the other person, but it also demonstrates sincerity on your part.
If you do get a chance to communicate, be sure that you understand why they are estranged from you. You may have your own reasons, but you may not know how they feel. Ask them for their take on the situation. Don’t look for reasons to disagree. Look for reasons for you to take some responsibility for the situation. Own your part and let them know it first. Then ask if you may share how you feel. Don’t be angry, but be matter-of-fact and humble. They may be defensive. Let them know that you just want to be understood. This is how you feel. If you can say, “I used to feel that way, but I now want the matter to be water under the bridge”, then let them know that.
Sometimes it is better to be wronged than to harbor anger and to leave this world unreconciled. Are there corrective actions that you can take? Be the bigger person. Let the other person decide to act for their part. God is judge.
Bringing another person around to some form of repentance often takes time. Don’t wait to start the process until you are at death’s door. Maybe you can ask to speak about it again in the near future.
Reconciliation does not always work. But it does feel good to know that you tried.
Saying that you love someone shouldn’t be that hard. Maybe your family culture has not included using the word “love”. Use the word “love”. To love isn’t necessarily the same as enjoying someone. To love is to want the very best for them. To love is to mean that they matter deeply to you. Explain what you mean when you say, “I love you.” Maybe such statements as, “I pray for you every day”, or “I want us to have a continued (or better) relationship in Heaven”, or “I am proud of you”. These can matter a great deal to a person. They can feel strangely awkward for some, but it is liberating to say.
Then there is the matter of sharing the Gospel. Maybe religion has been a divisive topic for you. Sharing the Gospel should begin with loving the person. You may need to restate that first.
Do they know what you believe? Rehearse a short explanation of why you think talking about Jesus matters:
“I want you to know (or I know you know) that I believe the Jesus is a real person. Not a fiction. I also believe that I am a sinful human being. My hope for eternal life is that Jesus lived the perfect life I could not live, and that Jesus absorbed the sentence that I earned by being sinful. That included His death and being damned/forsaken on the cross. It is my only hope.”
If you don’t know, ask them what they believe about God and eternal life. look for points in common. If you can articulate why you believe what you believe then share it without evoking a debate. Give it in a FYI (for your information) manner. That is not threatening or contrarian. You do not argue somebody into the Kingdom of God, you expose them. The Spirit works where He can work through the exposure.
Expose them to your love for them. “I do disagree with your idea of God, but I truly love you. I want you to be with me in eternity. That is why I am talking to you about Jesus. I want to do all I can. I can’t make you believe. I can show you Jesus.”
You may not get the satisfaction of seeing the person confess their faith or be baptized. At minimum you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you did what you could. That matters. I expect it will also matter in Heaven, no matter the result.
If you are nearing death and actually planning your funeral. Consider including either a read statement or video clip of expressing your love and explaining Jesus. It can be very powerful coming from you posthumously. A pastor can do it, but you would be better. Too many funerals are just eulogies. You want a funeral to work for you. You want impact.
afterdeathsite 